Okay but also putting the panic aside part of what is going on here is that I'm feeling stressed because I'm feeling helpless; I could be cleaning right now but I am at work so it's just a thing that's sitting there hovering over me and filling me with anxiety so ignoring the specifics of my weird timing and odd mess situation, here's the "So You're a Disaster Guide to Preparing Your Home for Guests"
Here are the things you should be able to offer your overnight guests:
- A clean and comfortable place to sleep with clean sheets, pillows, and blankets.
- A clean and sanitary bathroom with towels (and, optionally, toiletries)
- Depending on the space you've got, a comfortable place to spend time outside of the area they will be sleeping in (this may also be your primary socializing or relaxing space)
- Access to clean dishes and a source for (at the very least) water (and possibly snacks/drinks/meals depending on the length of the stay and your relationship to your guests).
Here's a quick guide to providing those things in the shortest amount of time possible based on order of importance.
- Make sure that you've got clean bedclothes and towels for your guest; if you do not have these things immediately at hand your first priority is doing a load of laundry to get clean towels, sheets, and blankets for your guest [and wash bath mats if necessary].
- Tidy the area they will be sleeping in by clearing away clutter. Your goal is to achieve an unobstructed sleeping surface (so if they're sleeping on a fold-out couch or a futon in a shared space make sure that it will require minimal effort to turn into a bed when they are ready to sleep; if they are sleeping on an air mattress move any furniture blocking the mattress out of the way and inflate the mattress then make the bed; if they are in a guest room make sure that anything stored on or near the bed is cleared away then make up the bed). Provide a space for your guest to put any travel bags and provide a place near their sleeping area for them to put their phone/medications/glass of water/etc. that they may need in the night.
[This is where you stop and move on to the next area unless you have lots of time. If you have lots of time, completely sweep or vacuum the floor of your guest's space, dust the room, and ensure that there is a power strip or phone charger handy for your guest] - Make sure the bathroom they will be using is clean and functional (it's actually a tossup for me about whether you clean the bathroom or the sleeping area first; I'm less willing to clean a bathroom while guests are present than a sleeping area so I'd say bathroom first honestly). My recommendation for this is to do things in the following order (make sure the space is well ventilated):
- Spray a cleaning solution in the tub or shower, focusing on any problem areas.
- Let that sit while you spray the same cleaning solution in the sink.
- Let that sit while you use a brush and your preferred toilet cleaning solution to scrub the toilet bowl.
- Use a brush or sponge to scrub the shower/tub then rinse the shower/tub.
- Use a brush or sponge to scrub the sink then rinse the sink.
- Use a cloth with a cleaning solution or a cleaning wipe to clean the exterior of the toilet
- Use a cloth to wipe down any surfaces like the countertop
- Place fresh hand towels in the bathroom
- Sweep and spot-mop the floor then empty the trashcan and spot clean the mirror tada clean bathroom
[This is where you stop and move on to the next area unless you have lots of time; if you have lots of time do a full mop of the bathroom floor, clean the mirror, and dust any surfaces that need it] - Clean the kitchen in the following order:
- Put away any clean dishes
- Clear countertops of clutter
- Wash any dirty dishes or load them into the dishwasher so that the sink is clear and rinse the sink
- Use a cloth with a cleaning solution or cleaning wipes to wipe down countertops, dust appliances, and do a quick wipe-down of the range.
- Place fresh hand towels in the kitchen
- Sweep the floor and empty the trash
[This is where you stop and move on to the next area unless you have lots of time, if you have lots of time mop the floor, do a deep clean of countertops, clean and sanitize the sink, check whether your refrigerator needs to be cleared of aging food or have any spills cleaned up, clean the kitchen range, and clean the oven door] - Prepare a living room for your guests in the following order:
- Make sure there are clear seats available for at least every adult who will be in the household; pick up and put away crafts, toys, or projects that may be in the way of visitors.
- Clear the surfaces of tables next to any seating options so that a seated person could easily set down a drink; consider placing coasters on each of these surfaces so they are handy if someone wants one.
- Sweep or vacuum the floor as needed.
[This is where you stop and move on unless you have lots of time; if you have lots of time consider vacuuming the creases of furniture, dusting shelves and surfaces in the room, and possibly cleaning the windows.]
My approach to this is basically "if you were picking someone up from the airport at midnight and bringing them back to your home, would they be able to get ready for bed and comfortably go to sleep right away?" which is why things are prioritized the way they are. Things would be different if I were cleaning in preparation for a party or if I were having people over for dinner, this is just the 'clean a house after you get off work and before you get in the car to go to LAX' list.
